1 00:00:17,041 --> 00:00:19,083 What's up, faggots? 2 00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:21,208 I just got a pumpin'. Pumpin'-- 3 00:00:21,875 --> 00:00:24,041 Something you faggots never do. 4 00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:27,625 I worked up a fuckin' sweat. 5 00:00:27,791 --> 00:00:31,583 Mm. Now, I need one of you pay pigs to come rinse me off. 6 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,666 You'd love that, wouldn't you? 7 00:00:34,958 --> 00:00:37,333 Okay, on the count of three, I want you 8 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,375 to take a big fuckin' hit of poppers. 9 00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:42,916 Now get those poppers ready. 10 00:00:43,083 --> 00:00:46,291 -One, two, three. 11 00:00:46,458 --> 00:00:48,791 Sniff that shit. 12 00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:52,333 I know you fuckers want to see what's under this 13 00:00:52,875 --> 00:00:55,500 fucking tighty-whiteys. 14 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,625 -Just don't know if you fags deserve that. 15 00:00:59,208 --> 00:01:01,458 I don't know. Do you wanna, wanna see my cock? 16 00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,708 And those big fuckin' balls? 17 00:01:05,375 --> 00:01:09,750 I want you to imagine that I just get back from the gym, 18 00:01:09,916 --> 00:01:12,583 and you're waiting there with your mouth open... 19 00:01:13,166 --> 00:01:17,833 just ready to clean my sweaty fuckin' balls. 20 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,166 Mm. 21 00:01:21,125 --> 00:01:22,125 You want more? 22 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,541 You fuckers want more? Look, I know you do. 23 00:01:26,458 --> 00:01:28,833 Here, grab those poppers, put them up through your fuckin' nose 24 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,041 -and sniff. 25 00:01:37,791 --> 00:01:40,333 You like this ass? 26 00:01:42,125 --> 00:01:43,708 This... 27 00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:47,916 ...this white fucking ass. 28 00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,958 I know you faggots wanna touch this, 29 00:01:51,125 --> 00:01:53,416 -put your face all up in it. 30 00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:58,625 You smell that? That's a real man's fuckin' ass. 31 00:01:58,791 --> 00:02:00,166 But... 32 00:02:01,291 --> 00:02:03,625 ...I don't let no one touch this ass for fuckin' free. 33 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,875 You wanna lick this ass? 34 00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:08,041 You better run me some motherfuckin' money. 35 00:02:09,416 --> 00:02:13,500 I want you pathetic-ass fuckin' faggots 36 00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:16,291 to tap that fuckin' tip jar, and maybe, 37 00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:19,625 maybe I'll whip out my fuckin' cock for you. 38 00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,750 Matter of fact, matter of fact, 39 00:02:21,916 --> 00:02:25,500 I want you to wire me all your fuckin' money, and maybe, 40 00:02:26,291 --> 00:02:30,791 maybe I'll show up at your house and I'll shove this fuckin' cock in your fuckin' mouth. 41 00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:38,750 Mm. 42 00:02:39,541 --> 00:02:42,791 Oh, tonight, I got this fuckin' faggot 43 00:02:42,958 --> 00:02:47,166 -spending 50 fuckin' grand on me. 44 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,458 And for 50 fuckin' grand... 45 00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:54,666 -...you faggots get a lot. 46 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,916 ["When Love is Young" by The Free Design playing] 47 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:43,041 -♪ When love is young ♪ 48 00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:47,875 -♪ As fresh as dew ♪ 49 00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:52,625 ♪ A song is sung ♪ 50 00:03:52,791 --> 00:03:57,166 ♪ So warm and new ♪ 51 00:03:57,791 --> 00:04:02,541 ♪ It winds its way ♪ 52 00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:06,958 ♪ Bursts into blue ♪ 53 00:04:07,916 --> 00:04:12,291 ♪ An April day ♪ 54 00:04:12,458 --> 00:04:16,791 ♪ Turned into June ♪ 55 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:24,833 -♪ Summer is born ♪ 56 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:31,666 ♪ I walk the fields ♪ 57 00:04:31,833 --> 00:04:36,000 ♪ There's warmth above ♪ 58 00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:41,291 ♪ The thought it yields ♪ 59 00:04:41,458 --> 00:04:46,000 -♪ Is of my love ♪ 60 00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:50,916 ♪ A lazy stream ♪ 61 00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:55,458 ♪ Its solitude ♪ 62 00:04:56,208 --> 00:05:00,583 ♪ A summer dream ♪ 63 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:05,291 ♪ A quiet mood ♪ 64 00:05:06,166 --> 00:05:12,875 ♪ Plays on my mind ♪ 65 00:05:15,333 --> 00:05:17,541 -♪ The sum-- ♪ 66 00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:07,666 This 26 Fairpark? 67 00:06:36,208 --> 00:06:37,458 You renting this place? 68 00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:42,458 -Not gonna talk? -No, I... 69 00:06:43,625 --> 00:06:44,583 ...I can talk. 70 00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:49,791 There's 25K in there. 71 00:06:52,916 --> 00:06:54,625 You get the rest when we're finished. 72 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:56,500 When's "finished"? 73 00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:58,666 In the morning. 74 00:07:00,916 --> 00:07:01,875 All right. 75 00:07:06,166 --> 00:07:07,041 What now? 76 00:07:08,250 --> 00:07:10,541 Oh, I, I gotta, I gotta 77 00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:12,625 set this. I'll just... 78 00:07:15,041 --> 00:07:17,000 Just have a, have a seat. 79 00:07:21,666 --> 00:07:23,375 Just get comfortable. 80 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,166 Is this what you want? 81 00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:43,666 Just whatever makes you comfortable. 82 00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:53,500 -All right, uh... 83 00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:58,291 ...I just want you to start by telling me about yourself. 84 00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:03,750 My name's Aaron Eagle, I'm from Miami. 85 00:08:06,041 --> 00:08:10,291 I like to let these faggots worship me and collect their fuckin' money. 86 00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:13,250 -That's why you're here. -Exactly. 87 00:08:16,541 --> 00:08:18,958 Tell me more about growing up in Miami. 88 00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:21,500 Growing up in Miami was fucking unbelievable. 89 00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:22,875 When did you move to LA? 90 00:08:23,583 --> 00:08:25,125 I moved here after high school. 91 00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:26,375 Right after high school? 92 00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:28,291 That's what I said. 93 00:08:31,833 --> 00:08:33,041 What did you do? 94 00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,833 Shit, man, you got me. 95 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,166 Got into the scene, you know. Tried everything. 96 00:08:37,916 --> 00:08:40,833 You name it, I fucked with it. 97 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,625 I'm California sober now. 98 00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,666 I'm sorry, "California sober"? 99 00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:49,583 Yeah, it's like I drink and I smoke, but I don't do anything else. 100 00:08:50,416 --> 00:08:51,708 That's sober? 101 00:08:52,291 --> 00:08:55,083 A lot more sober than a lot of other people. 102 00:08:56,916 --> 00:08:58,125 I guess you're right. 103 00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:03,958 And if you wouldn't mind removing your pants. 104 00:09:22,541 --> 00:09:24,500 I get the feeling you like having your clothes off. 105 00:09:24,666 --> 00:09:27,291 -Is that true? - Yeah, for sure. 106 00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:31,125 If you look like me, you'd wanna be naked all the time too. 107 00:09:31,666 --> 00:09:33,375 Mm, yeah, maybe. 108 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:37,291 Come on... everybody likes to be looked at. 109 00:09:41,375 --> 00:09:43,833 Is that why you got a tattoo on your face? 110 00:09:45,416 --> 00:09:46,416 -What, this? 111 00:09:46,583 --> 00:09:47,708 Yeah. "Diablo." 112 00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,000 Can you talk about that? 113 00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:52,041 -What about it? -Why'd you get it? 114 00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:54,250 That's what they call me. 115 00:09:55,375 --> 00:09:57,500 -Who calls you that? -Friends. 116 00:09:58,583 --> 00:10:02,916 -Who are these friends? Can you be more specific? -No more questions about that. 117 00:10:03,625 --> 00:10:04,583 Hey. 118 00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:08,583 I gave you every penny I have. That's the deal. 119 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:11,666 Shit, I'm not talking about this. 120 00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:15,000 This, this isn't working. 121 00:10:15,583 --> 00:10:17,541 -This isn't gonna work. -Hey, hey, wait a minute. 122 00:10:17,708 --> 00:10:19,208 -You're not being honest with me. -I am. 123 00:10:19,375 --> 00:10:20,875 This wasn't a good idea. 124 00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:22,166 What the fuck are you talking about? 125 00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:24,375 I'm sorry. Just keep the 25K. 126 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,583 Man, what do you want? You want me to suck you off? 127 00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:28,708 -Is that what you want? -I only want you to be honest. 128 00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:30,666 -I'm being fucking honest. -No, you're not. 129 00:10:30,833 --> 00:10:33,375 -Man, you don't know shit. -You didn't grow up in Miami. 130 00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:36,166 -I don't think you've ever been to Miami. -What the fuck do you know, man? 131 00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,000 You don't know shit about me. 132 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,125 Please. 133 00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:45,125 Please. 134 00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:50,875 Not on camera. 135 00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,416 I won't show it to anybody. 136 00:10:56,583 --> 00:10:57,791 I can't trust you. 137 00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:02,666 My name's Hank. 138 00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:08,666 I'm a trustworthy guy. I promise. I swear on my life. 139 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,416 I'll buy us a pizza later. 140 00:11:22,708 --> 00:11:23,708 Roll your camera. 141 00:11:24,208 --> 00:11:26,791 I'll talk, but not about the tattoo. 142 00:11:26,958 --> 00:11:28,166 -Okay? -Okay. 143 00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:37,041 What do you wanna know? 144 00:11:39,041 --> 00:11:41,875 Um, tell me about where you grew up. 145 00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:45,708 I grew up in Maine. 146 00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:49,083 Northern Maine. There's nothing up there. 147 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,625 Do you have any memories of it? 148 00:11:52,666 --> 00:11:53,833 No. Not many. 149 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,083 -Why not? - I don't know. 150 00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:01,958 Tell me about when you were 12. 151 00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:05,458 Did you have friends then? 152 00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:08,458 I liked being by myself. 153 00:12:09,916 --> 00:12:12,958 -What did you like to do? -I don't know, watch cartoons. 154 00:12:13,916 --> 00:12:15,333 I read a lot, I guess. 155 00:12:15,875 --> 00:12:18,250 -Ah. What did you like to read? 156 00:12:18,416 --> 00:12:22,500 -I don't know, a bunch of shit. -Come on. Any books you remember? 157 00:12:22,666 --> 00:12:24,083 I don't know. Uh... 158 00:12:26,208 --> 00:12:28,125 The Handmaid's Talewas good, I guess. 159 00:12:31,416 --> 00:12:33,416 I love that book. 160 00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:35,875 Uh... 161 00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:40,541 Tell me about your first sexual experience. 162 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:44,250 That's a hard one. 163 00:12:45,791 --> 00:12:46,791 Why? 164 00:12:48,166 --> 00:12:49,291 'Cause it was... 165 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,791 I don't know. I just don't like to think about... 166 00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,458 There's nothing wrong with that. A lot of people could say that. 167 00:12:55,625 --> 00:12:58,375 But it really fucked me up. Less people could say that. 168 00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:01,083 I see. 169 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,833 Can you describe it, that experience, to me? 170 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,375 This is pervert shit, dude. 171 00:13:13,541 --> 00:13:15,416 Just don't push me on that. 172 00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:17,791 -Was it with a guy? -I said don't fuckin' push it. 173 00:13:21,208 --> 00:13:22,625 Okay. Okay. 174 00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:25,708 We can talk about that later. 175 00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:30,416 Do you want a drink? I, I went out and bought some beers. 176 00:13:30,583 --> 00:13:32,000 I didn't, I didn't know what you liked. 177 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,083 Uh, yeah, I'll take a beer. 178 00:13:49,625 --> 00:13:51,166 I hope this is okay. 179 00:14:00,833 --> 00:14:02,750 When did you become Aaron Eagle? 180 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:08,875 You wanna hear the pervy fucking story about how I became Aaron Eagle? 181 00:14:09,041 --> 00:14:12,166 -I know you do. 182 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,875 So I'm working as a dancer at this spot in West Hollywood. 183 00:14:17,041 --> 00:14:19,208 It's right in Santa Monica. I'm sure you've heard of the place. 184 00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:22,875 -And on a Saturday night, it's fucked around there. -I can imagine. 185 00:14:23,041 --> 00:14:25,958 But this was a Tuesday. The place is pretty empty. 186 00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:30,916 I'm dancing there in my jock for no one. So I'm just dancing. 187 00:14:31,625 --> 00:14:34,458 There's a couple of people walking around, just having drinks or whatever. 188 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:39,208 I've only got a couple minutes left up there, and these two guys come in. 189 00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:43,458 And they come right up to me and they put a dollar bill 190 00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:46,375 right down the front of my jock, and they left. 191 00:14:47,541 --> 00:14:49,708 Anyway, sun goes down, I'm off my shift, 192 00:14:49,875 --> 00:14:53,375 I walk outside and I'm waiting for my ride. 193 00:14:53,541 --> 00:14:56,666 I notice those motherfuckers just sharing a cigarette, 194 00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:59,416 fucking staring at me. 195 00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:03,291 And they hold out the cigarette, so I walk over and I take it. 196 00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:07,833 And then they ask me if I want to come back to their place, 197 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,083 smoke or whatever. 198 00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:14,416 So, I'm in the back seat of their car 199 00:15:14,958 --> 00:15:18,583 while we drive back to their apartment... and we walk in 200 00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:22,250 and it's this fucking nice, big apartment. 201 00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:24,875 We go to the bedroom, and there's 202 00:15:25,041 --> 00:15:28,333 this fucking California king bed or some shit, 203 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,500 and these two guys sit on it. I can't remember their names, 204 00:15:30,666 --> 00:15:33,000 but one of them was Asian and one of them was white. 205 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,833 They pull out their bong and, you know, we smoke that shit. 206 00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:40,875 And I remember there was a TV on... 207 00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:44,625 ...set to, like, a background or some shit. 208 00:15:44,791 --> 00:15:46,291 You know, like it was asleep? 209 00:15:47,208 --> 00:15:48,416 And it was just these... 210 00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:52,375 ...these different landscapes slowly moving, and... 211 00:15:53,416 --> 00:15:55,666 ...I'm sitting there, high as fuck, just watching 212 00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:59,666 these mountains and woods and shit. 213 00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,708 Man, I was so fucking smacked that... 214 00:16:04,583 --> 00:16:06,291 ...I didn't realize he'd started, like... 215 00:16:08,083 --> 00:16:09,041 ...feeling me... 216 00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:11,916 ...putting their hands on me kind of shit. 217 00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:14,875 And they start kissing my neck, and... 218 00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,125 ...and their hands are down the front of my pants, 219 00:16:18,291 --> 00:16:19,791 and, you know, I'm, I'm kissing them back. 220 00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:22,791 Then I get the fucking Asian one. 221 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,958 You know, real hot, muscled up kind of shit. 222 00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:29,833 But the white one, he's just... 223 00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:32,458 ...he's just watching. 224 00:16:33,541 --> 00:16:34,916 Like, he's not hard or anything. He's just... 225 00:16:35,791 --> 00:16:36,916 ...he's just watching. 226 00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:38,833 And the chink goes, 227 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,875 "He wants you to fuck him... 228 00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:43,458 ...but he wants it a little different." 229 00:16:44,583 --> 00:16:45,666 See, he said... 230 00:16:47,041 --> 00:16:49,125 ..."He wants you to rape him." 231 00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:52,958 You know, I never heard shit like that before because if it's... 232 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,625 If he wants it, it's not rape, right? 233 00:16:55,791 --> 00:16:59,666 But it was this fucker's fantasy to be humiliated. 234 00:17:01,041 --> 00:17:04,416 So the white guy, he takes, like, six fucking shots and he is pretty fucked up. 235 00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:08,541 Then he starts... sucking my dick. 236 00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:13,458 And then he asks me to hit him... 237 00:17:15,166 --> 00:17:16,041 ...and I do. 238 00:17:18,125 --> 00:17:21,500 And this guy, he keeps asking me to hit him harder. 239 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,500 And the harder I hit him, the better it fucking feels. 240 00:17:24,666 --> 00:17:28,208 So I am smacking the shit out of this fucking guy. 241 00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:31,041 And then I pull him down, and he's eating my ass, 242 00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:33,166 and I look back at the TV, right? 243 00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:35,000 You know, with the, with the backgrounds, 244 00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:37,750 and this fuckin' eagle just flies by, 245 00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:40,500 right past the camera, by the mountain, and in that moment, 246 00:17:40,666 --> 00:17:42,083 I pull him up from my ass 247 00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:44,000 and I just smack the fuck out of him. 248 00:17:44,791 --> 00:17:47,541 Like, I really smack the fuck out of him, 249 00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:51,708 and then I flip him over and I fuck him as hard as I fucking could. 250 00:17:51,875 --> 00:17:57,250 And... like, man, this guy was barely conscious. 251 00:17:57,416 --> 00:17:58,500 He was so fucked up. 252 00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:02,083 But he was still moaning. 253 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,416 And in that moment, everything fucking changed. 254 00:18:07,833 --> 00:18:10,291 Like... I stopped thinking, 255 00:18:10,458 --> 00:18:14,125 I stopped believing in every wall that society puts up. 256 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:17,750 Like, everything's fake. You know? That, that, that, that's how I felt afterwards. 257 00:18:17,916 --> 00:18:19,666 Like, everything's just fuckin' fake, 258 00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:22,541 because this guy, he wanted to feel the most 259 00:18:23,208 --> 00:18:25,250 pain and embarrassment that he could. 260 00:18:25,416 --> 00:18:29,166 Like, there are thousands of people out there who watch my videos, 261 00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:32,583 who just want me to sneak in their house at night and fuck them up. 262 00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:36,833 I had to chase that fucking feeling. 263 00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:40,916 It's the most I can understand why I'm fuckin' here. 264 00:18:41,083 --> 00:18:43,125 I, I, I feel good. 265 00:18:43,291 --> 00:18:46,750 Shit, I feel fucking great. And everything before that night 266 00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:49,375 made me feel like a piece of fucking shit. 267 00:18:50,333 --> 00:18:52,250 But that night... 268 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,083 ...that night made me feel 269 00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:58,625 like I'm supposed to rape these fuckin' faggots, 270 00:18:58,791 --> 00:19:00,625 because that's what I'm fucking good at. 271 00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:16,208 Are you religious at all? 272 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,958 I never was, but, shit, man... I get it now. 273 00:19:23,625 --> 00:19:24,625 Why do you say that? 274 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:31,541 The art of domination is spiritual or some shit. 275 00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:36,458 Like, forget for a second that you're God to these fuckin' faggots, 276 00:19:36,625 --> 00:19:42,083 but it's like... you're in charge of this faggot's soul and his mind. 277 00:19:42,666 --> 00:19:45,958 There... What's that, what's that word in, in church? 278 00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:49,625 It's like both people, um... they-- 279 00:19:49,791 --> 00:19:52,916 -Transcend. -Transcend. That's it. 280 00:19:53,083 --> 00:19:56,416 Like, both people just fucking transcend. 281 00:19:57,791 --> 00:20:02,333 Like, your faggot gives up control of his body, his safety and his mind. 282 00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,458 He feels powerful in being so fucking small. 283 00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:08,416 It's like... 284 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,583 Doesn't that kind of sound like fucking religion? 285 00:20:14,708 --> 00:20:16,166 I mean, sure, I guess. 286 00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:18,250 It does to me. 287 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,291 You like that word a lot, "faggot." 288 00:20:27,916 --> 00:20:32,833 I like that word because... it means exactly what it means. 289 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,875 You're a faggot, you like being a faggot, 290 00:20:36,041 --> 00:20:38,708 and it gets you off to think that you're a faggot. 291 00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:41,583 -I'm not a faggot. -Yeah? 292 00:20:42,583 --> 00:20:44,666 You're paying me all this money to look at me... 293 00:20:44,833 --> 00:20:47,083 without my shirt on. 294 00:20:48,166 --> 00:20:49,500 That's what a faggot does. 295 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:53,666 You want to see me talk some fucking shit in my underwear, 296 00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:55,416 and I wanna be the fucking boss. 297 00:20:58,666 --> 00:21:02,041 -I am the fuckin' boss. -That's not why I'm here. 298 00:21:02,208 --> 00:21:06,625 -I don't wanna be your sub or... whatever it's called. 299 00:21:09,583 --> 00:21:11,375 Then why do you watch my videos? 300 00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:13,208 I watch them... 301 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:17,291 ...to see you and know you. 302 00:21:18,166 --> 00:21:20,500 I don't believe that for a fucking second. 303 00:21:22,791 --> 00:21:24,250 Is that what you think this is? 304 00:21:25,166 --> 00:21:26,916 You pay me all this fucking money 305 00:21:27,083 --> 00:21:28,875 because you're so fucking lonely? 306 00:21:29,833 --> 00:21:33,250 Want a friend? That is the most pathetic fucking shit 307 00:21:33,416 --> 00:21:36,000 I have ever fucking heard. See, I figured you out, right? 308 00:21:36,166 --> 00:21:39,833 You wanna start recording? Yeah? Is that what you want? 309 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:44,541 Look, I'm gonna leave, and you're still gonna be a lonely old fuck. 310 00:21:44,708 --> 00:21:47,875 You wanna see me tell my little story on camera so you can fucking know me? 311 00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:50,125 -What the fuck? -Okay, I shouldn't have done this. 312 00:21:50,291 --> 00:21:52,833 -Damn right. -I, I wanna tell you something, Aaron. 313 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,041 You're a wonderful person outside of all of this. 314 00:21:56,208 --> 00:21:58,000 You don't know the first fucking thing about me. 315 00:21:58,166 --> 00:22:00,083 -All right? Just go fuck off! -I do know you, 316 00:22:00,250 --> 00:22:01,958 -Aaron. -Bullshit! All right? I hope you got 317 00:22:02,125 --> 00:22:03,958 -whatever the fuck you wanted! -Wait, Aaron. 318 00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:05,333 -Fuck off. -I do know you. 319 00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:07,166 Yeah? What's my real fucking name? 320 00:22:07,708 --> 00:22:08,750 You keep calling me Aaron, but if you know me, 321 00:22:08,916 --> 00:22:10,416 you'd know my real fucking name! 322 00:22:11,291 --> 00:22:12,916 -That's what I thought. -It's Alex. 323 00:22:17,541 --> 00:22:18,958 You're Alex McConnell. 324 00:22:22,750 --> 00:22:25,083 Ta... take off your fuckin' mask. 325 00:22:26,041 --> 00:22:27,541 -Take off your fuckin' mask! -No! No! 326 00:22:35,416 --> 00:22:36,291 Um... 327 00:22:38,708 --> 00:22:39,708 Mr. Grant. 328 00:22:40,583 --> 00:22:42,083 -Hi, Alex. 329 00:22:44,208 --> 00:22:45,791 What, what the fuck are you doing here? 330 00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:48,541 -I came to see you. -Why? 331 00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:51,166 I've been watching your videos for a while, 332 00:22:51,333 --> 00:22:53,916 and I, I, I had to see you. 333 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:58,750 You were fired while I was in high school. 334 00:23:02,750 --> 00:23:03,666 That's right. 335 00:23:04,208 --> 00:23:05,250 Hey, you fucked one of your students. 336 00:23:05,416 --> 00:23:06,375 That's not true. 337 00:23:07,375 --> 00:23:10,583 The technical term is "attempted assault," 338 00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:12,708 because I didn't. I let him go. 339 00:23:13,333 --> 00:23:15,166 -Wasn't he, like, 12? -Alex. 340 00:23:15,333 --> 00:23:16,375 Call me Aaron. 341 00:23:17,166 --> 00:23:18,500 Aaron. 342 00:23:21,041 --> 00:23:23,208 I know, I know this. 343 00:23:28,208 --> 00:23:29,208 What do you want with me? 344 00:23:30,291 --> 00:23:32,166 I-- Exactly what I said. 345 00:23:32,916 --> 00:23:36,750 I wanna know you for who you are now. 346 00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:42,541 -You remember me, then? 347 00:23:44,833 --> 00:23:46,000 Of course. 348 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,916 Of course I remember you. 349 00:23:50,083 --> 00:23:53,583 We, um-- I had, I had detention with you. 350 00:23:55,208 --> 00:23:57,291 It was just us most of the time. 351 00:23:57,458 --> 00:24:00,125 I mean, you were in detention a lot. 352 00:24:07,875 --> 00:24:09,083 Were you attracted to me? 353 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:12,916 Yes. 354 00:24:14,958 --> 00:24:15,916 I was. 355 00:24:20,666 --> 00:24:22,083 Why didn't you try to fuck me? 356 00:24:25,291 --> 00:24:27,166 I hadn't tried that. 357 00:24:29,916 --> 00:24:33,750 -And now you do? -I don't want to have sex with you. 358 00:24:36,458 --> 00:24:38,458 I thought I would want to. 359 00:24:38,625 --> 00:24:39,666 I want... 360 00:24:40,833 --> 00:24:41,916 ...to want to. 361 00:24:43,333 --> 00:24:45,666 But more than anything, I wanna see you. 362 00:24:47,791 --> 00:24:49,000 I wanna know... 363 00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:55,625 ...if I still love you. 364 00:25:07,541 --> 00:25:08,583 Um... 365 00:25:12,708 --> 00:25:13,833 Where's the bathroom? 366 00:25:15,625 --> 00:25:17,375 Down the hall, in the bedroom. 367 00:26:10,958 --> 00:26:12,000 Aaron? 368 00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,166 -I'll pay you another $5,000. 369 00:26:33,916 --> 00:26:34,833 Please. 370 00:26:58,833 --> 00:27:02,000 I haven't seen anyone from Bedford since I was 17. 371 00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:06,625 -Must be a shock. - Fuckin' right. 372 00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:08,833 I haven't even thought about anyone there. 373 00:27:09,375 --> 00:27:10,666 I keep that shit out. 374 00:27:14,666 --> 00:27:15,916 What, why are you laughing? 375 00:27:16,666 --> 00:27:18,291 'Cause I've thought about you every day. 376 00:27:21,416 --> 00:27:24,250 So, what, everybody at home knows you're a kid fucker 377 00:27:24,416 --> 00:27:25,750 and doesn't want to touch you? 378 00:27:25,916 --> 00:27:28,333 -Well-- -Sorry. "Attempted kid fucker." 379 00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:29,500 Is that right? 380 00:27:30,583 --> 00:27:32,250 -There's probably a more eloquent way of saying it... 381 00:27:32,416 --> 00:27:35,083 ...but, yeah, I guess so. 382 00:27:36,416 --> 00:27:38,500 And, what, you just moved to LA? 383 00:27:39,666 --> 00:27:42,041 No, I didn't move here. I'm just here for the night. 384 00:27:44,166 --> 00:27:45,708 You don't still live in Bedford? 385 00:27:46,291 --> 00:27:48,916 I do, actually, in the house I grew up in. 386 00:27:50,375 --> 00:27:52,125 What the fuck do you even do there? 387 00:27:52,791 --> 00:27:56,083 I've been bagging at the Shop 'n Save out on Hammond Road. 388 00:27:59,666 --> 00:28:01,416 You're a fuckin' psycho, man. 389 00:28:01,583 --> 00:28:03,166 -Right. -Obviously. 390 00:28:04,583 --> 00:28:05,875 Why didn't you tell me who you were? 391 00:28:07,208 --> 00:28:09,916 Because I thought you wouldn't talk to me or be open with me. 392 00:28:11,708 --> 00:28:16,125 -Yeah, maybe. -There was so much talk about what happened, 393 00:28:16,916 --> 00:28:19,250 and I wasn't sure of everything you'd heard, so... 394 00:28:20,208 --> 00:28:23,666 Kids talk, man. I heard fucking everything. 395 00:28:24,875 --> 00:28:26,416 I heard it was in the school bathroom. 396 00:28:27,208 --> 00:28:30,375 And that you pulled him out of lunch to help you grade some tests, 397 00:28:30,541 --> 00:28:32,291 but you took him to the bathroom instead. 398 00:28:36,958 --> 00:28:37,875 Did you love him? 399 00:28:38,916 --> 00:28:40,375 Like you say you loved me, did you love him too? 400 00:28:40,541 --> 00:28:42,500 You don't wanna hear about this. 401 00:28:42,666 --> 00:28:44,333 I told you everything. It's your turn. 402 00:28:48,375 --> 00:28:49,916 No, I didn't love him. 403 00:28:52,041 --> 00:28:53,000 Then why do it? 404 00:28:56,291 --> 00:28:58,875 This one had a particular hold on me. 405 00:29:01,666 --> 00:29:02,666 Why him? 406 00:29:04,041 --> 00:29:06,125 He did this thing with his eyes. 407 00:29:06,291 --> 00:29:08,333 He smiled at me sometimes, and he'd look at me 408 00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,500 and then he'd look away for a second and then look back at me. 409 00:29:12,791 --> 00:29:15,333 You know how dogs do that, where they look at you and it's almost like 410 00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:18,458 they're uncomfortable or it's awkward and they-- 411 00:29:18,625 --> 00:29:20,666 and then they look away? 412 00:29:21,958 --> 00:29:22,958 He did that. 413 00:29:24,500 --> 00:29:28,375 He was innocent, like a dog is obedient. 414 00:29:29,291 --> 00:29:30,500 He was very bright. 415 00:29:32,791 --> 00:29:34,000 He was a lot like you. 416 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,833 So, then, what? You take him to the bathroom and, and you touch him? 417 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,208 -Just a little. -Did he try to get away? 418 00:29:48,041 --> 00:29:52,000 He was confused at first, and then he became upset, 419 00:29:52,583 --> 00:29:54,250 crying and stuff like that. 420 00:29:56,041 --> 00:29:58,208 -And then what? -I let him go. 421 00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:00,625 It was wrong. 422 00:30:01,458 --> 00:30:02,541 I knew it was wrong. 423 00:30:04,791 --> 00:30:06,916 I've always known it was wrong. 424 00:30:10,166 --> 00:30:12,708 I have principles. I do. 425 00:30:15,500 --> 00:30:19,750 Did he say anything? Did he scream or did he hit you? 426 00:30:20,500 --> 00:30:23,041 I don't remember. 427 00:30:25,791 --> 00:30:26,875 I don't remember. 428 00:30:32,875 --> 00:30:34,833 You're a sick man. 429 00:30:36,291 --> 00:30:39,958 -How can you be so cavalier about this? 430 00:30:40,500 --> 00:30:42,375 How can you listen to that and smile? 431 00:30:47,083 --> 00:30:48,166 I need another beer. 432 00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:05,541 Aren't you gonna have one? 433 00:31:07,166 --> 00:31:08,125 I don't drink. 434 00:31:08,750 --> 00:31:10,875 But this is a special occasion, Mr. Grant. 435 00:31:11,708 --> 00:31:14,083 Feels like you should have a drink with the love of your life. 436 00:31:20,375 --> 00:31:21,250 All right. 437 00:31:22,250 --> 00:31:23,291 It's really that easy? 438 00:31:25,208 --> 00:31:29,958 You're just gonna abandon your, you know... principles? 439 00:31:32,916 --> 00:31:34,458 For you, yes. 440 00:32:06,250 --> 00:32:07,625 It's nice and clean in here. 441 00:32:09,041 --> 00:32:10,708 It was like this when I got here. 442 00:32:11,375 --> 00:32:13,125 Should we dirty this place up a little bit? 443 00:32:15,250 --> 00:32:17,000 -What do you mean? 444 00:32:17,166 --> 00:32:18,916 You said you wanted to fuck me, right? 445 00:32:19,541 --> 00:32:21,958 And, shit, I think I have to fuck you now. 446 00:32:22,125 --> 00:32:24,083 You're down, like, 25 fuckin' grand. 447 00:32:25,083 --> 00:32:29,666 -And it kind of turned me on to see you drink 'cause of me. 448 00:32:31,333 --> 00:32:32,291 I don't know. 449 00:32:35,958 --> 00:32:37,916 You said you wanted to fuck me, right? 450 00:32:41,375 --> 00:32:45,458 -I said I wanted to want to fuck you. 451 00:32:46,291 --> 00:32:47,416 I don't get the difference. 452 00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:53,083 I've imagined our being together all these years, 453 00:32:53,250 --> 00:32:58,791 and I, I want nothing else than to feel that desire again. 454 00:33:00,625 --> 00:33:04,250 My dick doesn't have any feelings or thoughts... 455 00:33:04,416 --> 00:33:06,750 or attitudes about sex. 456 00:33:07,833 --> 00:33:11,166 I might, but this is a dick you've thought about, 457 00:33:12,041 --> 00:33:13,041 and it doesn't. 458 00:33:15,416 --> 00:33:18,666 It's just a little bigger and hairier. 459 00:34:00,333 --> 00:34:02,458 -[Hank breathing heavily, moaning] 460 00:34:12,166 --> 00:34:13,708 Why, why'd you stop? 461 00:34:17,958 --> 00:34:20,875 Maybe I'll try again a little later. 462 00:34:47,875 --> 00:34:49,250 Why are you in love with me? 463 00:34:58,916 --> 00:35:02,500 I should confess, it was a long thing. 464 00:35:04,375 --> 00:35:05,375 Oh, really? 465 00:35:06,333 --> 00:35:07,416 What was it about me? 466 00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:10,916 I could tell you were lonely. 467 00:35:13,166 --> 00:35:17,375 All of my students had their clique or whatever you'd call it, but you didn't. 468 00:35:19,250 --> 00:35:22,500 When I had lunch duty, I would see you sitting 469 00:35:22,666 --> 00:35:25,958 either by yourself or removed from other students. 470 00:35:28,458 --> 00:35:31,125 And I know lonely. I've been lonely too. 471 00:35:33,333 --> 00:35:35,958 So, were you attracted to me or did you just notice me? 472 00:35:37,208 --> 00:35:38,750 Well, the attraction came. 473 00:35:39,416 --> 00:35:41,291 I remember you always wore gym shorts. 474 00:35:42,416 --> 00:35:44,875 So, I would look at your legs. 475 00:35:47,291 --> 00:35:48,875 They were so smooth. 476 00:35:50,125 --> 00:35:52,958 I guess I noticed you first. 477 00:35:53,125 --> 00:35:56,291 I found myself looking for you in the hallway between periods. 478 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,750 It was like any love, really. 479 00:36:01,458 --> 00:36:02,583 From what I gather. 480 00:36:05,166 --> 00:36:08,583 I was attracted to more than your physicality, though. 481 00:36:09,208 --> 00:36:14,458 I was both enamored with and turned on by your... 482 00:36:16,625 --> 00:36:19,041 ...quiet, brooding... 483 00:36:21,041 --> 00:36:22,250 ...soft... 484 00:36:23,458 --> 00:36:24,625 ...youthfulness. 485 00:36:27,791 --> 00:36:30,750 Actually, you made my life quite difficult, 486 00:36:30,916 --> 00:36:33,666 -or my job, rather. -How? 487 00:36:33,833 --> 00:36:36,708 I, I had a heck of a time teaching. 488 00:36:37,666 --> 00:36:40,333 You made me so nervous. 489 00:36:40,916 --> 00:36:46,333 Oh, God, I worried that any wrong turn or jumbled idea 490 00:36:46,500 --> 00:36:49,166 or crack in the facade and you'd turn against me, 491 00:36:49,333 --> 00:36:53,541 you'd, you'd see right through me and discover me. 492 00:36:54,625 --> 00:36:58,541 Every class was an act of self-flagellation. 493 00:36:58,708 --> 00:37:02,166 Standing in front of you, hoping I had something insightful to say 494 00:37:02,833 --> 00:37:04,083 was humiliating. 495 00:37:04,875 --> 00:37:08,000 -Funny. -What, what's funny about that? 496 00:37:09,791 --> 00:37:11,583 I wasn't thinking about anything at all. 497 00:37:14,875 --> 00:37:16,333 You liked The Handmaid's Tale. 498 00:37:17,458 --> 00:37:20,875 You know, Atwood, she, she has that quote. 499 00:37:21,041 --> 00:37:23,708 I taught it in class. I don't know if you remember. 500 00:37:25,208 --> 00:37:30,208 "I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. 501 00:37:31,083 --> 00:37:36,291 I would like to be that unnoticed and necessary." 502 00:37:38,666 --> 00:37:40,500 How often do you think about raping me? 503 00:37:42,375 --> 00:37:43,291 That's what it is. 504 00:37:52,041 --> 00:37:53,208 I'm sorry 505 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,791 -if it hurts you to hear any of this. -It doesn't. 506 00:37:59,291 --> 00:38:01,083 I don't care about who I was in Bedford. 507 00:38:01,833 --> 00:38:03,500 That boy you loved isn't... 508 00:38:04,625 --> 00:38:05,583 ...isn't me. 509 00:38:06,375 --> 00:38:07,666 I don't think that's true. 510 00:38:09,833 --> 00:38:11,041 I still see him... 511 00:38:12,416 --> 00:38:13,583 ...in your eyes... 512 00:38:15,041 --> 00:38:16,125 ...your legs... 513 00:38:18,333 --> 00:38:19,458 ...your skin... 514 00:38:20,583 --> 00:38:21,833 ...your mind. 515 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:23,041 Lots of ways. 516 00:38:25,208 --> 00:38:26,750 You might not wanna believe it... 517 00:38:28,875 --> 00:38:29,958 ...but... 518 00:38:31,458 --> 00:38:33,125 ...I think it's nice. 519 00:38:39,250 --> 00:38:40,291 What now? 520 00:38:41,375 --> 00:38:43,875 You don't wanna fuck me, you don't wanna do anything with me, so... 521 00:38:44,041 --> 00:38:46,166 -You were a good kid. 522 00:38:46,333 --> 00:38:49,041 You were a nice, good kid. 523 00:38:49,208 --> 00:38:52,416 Oh, fuck this. I need a cigarette. All right? 524 00:39:11,458 --> 00:39:13,166 -Are you okay? -I'm fine. 525 00:39:20,708 --> 00:39:21,625 What are you thinking? 526 00:39:22,500 --> 00:39:23,541 I don't know. Nothing. 527 00:39:26,958 --> 00:39:27,958 I'm sorry. 528 00:39:29,083 --> 00:39:30,041 It's fine. 529 00:39:32,041 --> 00:39:34,458 I need my pipe, my weed. Mm. 530 00:39:35,291 --> 00:39:38,166 -Did you bring some? -It's in the bag that I brought. Can you get it? 531 00:39:38,708 --> 00:39:39,708 Sure. 532 00:39:42,666 --> 00:39:45,166 Hey, grab another beer while you're at it. 533 00:40:25,041 --> 00:40:27,500 That beer's for you, big dog. 534 00:40:28,833 --> 00:40:31,750 -You want me to drink another? -Hell yeah. I want you to chug it. 535 00:40:31,916 --> 00:40:33,416 Oh. 536 00:40:33,583 --> 00:40:36,000 -I don't think I can do it. -Come on, do it. 537 00:40:51,291 --> 00:40:52,208 Yeah. 538 00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:05,958 -Hell yeah. Put her there. 539 00:41:06,125 --> 00:41:09,791 -Fuck. That's it, man. I just popped a boner. 540 00:41:09,958 --> 00:41:12,291 - Oh. Excuse me. 541 00:41:12,458 --> 00:41:14,416 - Show off. 542 00:41:17,416 --> 00:41:20,208 You smoke a lot of pot? 543 00:41:20,916 --> 00:41:22,708 "Pot." That's funny. 544 00:41:23,916 --> 00:41:24,791 Yeah. 545 00:41:25,875 --> 00:41:27,750 Gets my, uh, gets my brain right. 546 00:41:27,916 --> 00:41:29,125 Gets me right up here, you know? 547 00:41:30,375 --> 00:41:31,666 What happens without it? 548 00:41:33,708 --> 00:41:37,416 I don't know. Guess it's like everything else that gets me fucked up. 549 00:41:38,041 --> 00:41:40,666 If I didn't have it, I'd probably go crazy 550 00:41:40,833 --> 00:41:43,500 -thinking about all the shit I've done in my life. -Mm. 551 00:41:44,916 --> 00:41:47,125 You know, for a while, I was doing the shit that killed my dad, 552 00:41:47,291 --> 00:41:48,791 -but, you know, then I stopped. 553 00:41:48,958 --> 00:41:49,958 Why did you stop? 554 00:41:51,250 --> 00:41:53,291 I don't know, friends didn't fuck with it. 555 00:41:53,458 --> 00:41:54,666 The same friends who... 556 00:41:56,791 --> 00:41:57,791 Yeah. 557 00:41:58,625 --> 00:42:00,083 -You listen. 558 00:42:03,416 --> 00:42:04,458 I listen a lot. 559 00:42:07,666 --> 00:42:08,666 Why don't you drink? 560 00:42:09,791 --> 00:42:12,291 I stopped when I started going back to church. 561 00:42:12,458 --> 00:42:14,750 I knew it. I knew that had something to do with it. 562 00:42:14,916 --> 00:42:17,083 It was hard to stop too. 563 00:42:17,250 --> 00:42:20,833 Uh, why even join that shit, man? Like, why put yourself through it? 564 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:24,833 Well, we went to church when I was a kid, and, and, and it felt right, 565 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,416 you know, to... 566 00:42:27,625 --> 00:42:29,833 ...go back, 'cause I felt very little control 567 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,875 after everything that happened, and then I was drinking a lot, 568 00:42:33,041 --> 00:42:37,708 and... I just couldn't not think about what went on. 569 00:42:37,875 --> 00:42:41,833 I needed a, a big thing to happen. 570 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,083 Something had to be different. 571 00:42:47,625 --> 00:42:50,750 My priest knows I'm here. 572 00:42:50,916 --> 00:42:52,958 - No fuckin' way. 573 00:42:53,125 --> 00:42:56,208 -What? -He didn't accept it, but I told him I... 574 00:42:57,208 --> 00:42:59,458 ...was gonna be away for today's service. 575 00:43:00,041 --> 00:43:04,083 I explained you and everything I was doing. 576 00:43:05,791 --> 00:43:09,625 It helps me to have faith in my purpose and, and feel like 577 00:43:09,791 --> 00:43:13,000 there's something to govern my body. 578 00:43:15,666 --> 00:43:17,666 Still, I can't help but think that... 579 00:43:19,625 --> 00:43:21,250 -...something's wrong. 580 00:43:23,041 --> 00:43:26,541 I wonder a lot if there is purity in perversion... 581 00:43:27,666 --> 00:43:30,583 ...if it, if it makes me enlightened in some way. 582 00:43:30,750 --> 00:43:34,083 It's, it's, it's kind of like what you were saying before about your... 583 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,166 -Faggots. -Mm, yeah, yeah. Those. 584 00:43:39,958 --> 00:43:44,708 I'm tempted to think of my perversity as spiritual, 585 00:43:44,875 --> 00:43:48,166 because I can't comprehend any other reason 586 00:43:48,333 --> 00:43:51,208 why God would have created me this way. 587 00:43:55,208 --> 00:43:57,291 Isn't there something religious or... 588 00:43:58,458 --> 00:44:01,125 ...spiritual about loneliness? 589 00:44:02,916 --> 00:44:05,333 -I feel closest to God 590 00:44:05,500 --> 00:44:08,083 in moments of darkness and, and isolation. 591 00:44:08,875 --> 00:44:11,458 And that's all perversity is, it's just loneliness. 592 00:44:12,666 --> 00:44:13,958 I get that you're religious 593 00:44:14,500 --> 00:44:17,208 and that you think your being a perv 594 00:44:17,375 --> 00:44:20,875 make you special, but it might just make you evil. 595 00:44:26,166 --> 00:44:27,541 Guess that's... 596 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:31,500 ...somewhat accurate. 597 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,625 Look, man, I'm high as fuck, 598 00:44:38,458 --> 00:44:40,291 and I want to fuck. 599 00:44:40,833 --> 00:44:42,000 So what's it gonna take? 600 00:44:45,958 --> 00:44:47,250 -Really? -Really. 601 00:44:48,583 --> 00:44:49,625 What's it gonna take? 602 00:45:05,750 --> 00:45:08,208 - Hold still. -Man, I can't believe I'm letting you do this. 603 00:45:08,375 --> 00:45:10,416 -Why? -My faggots love my hair. 604 00:45:10,583 --> 00:45:11,458 Oh. 605 00:45:13,041 --> 00:45:14,125 Mm. 606 00:45:21,875 --> 00:45:25,333 Mm. Stop moving! 607 00:45:30,666 --> 00:45:33,166 -Are you gonna do my ass too? -Oh, yeah. 608 00:45:36,208 --> 00:45:37,750 You really like 'em bald, huh? 609 00:45:39,333 --> 00:45:42,416 You know, a lot of gay guys are turned on by the smell of a hairy dick. 610 00:45:43,666 --> 00:45:45,916 Mm, that may be true. 611 00:45:46,791 --> 00:45:47,833 Still... 612 00:45:49,375 --> 00:45:50,250 ...I'm not. 613 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,416 Does this turn you on, then? 614 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,041 Oh, yeah. 615 00:46:02,083 --> 00:46:07,583 It might be a good idea if you wanted to role play. 616 00:46:07,750 --> 00:46:10,458 You know, I know you're usually the dominant one, but... 617 00:46:14,041 --> 00:46:15,750 Chug another beer, and I'll think about it. 618 00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:35,458 Ice cold in here. Can we turn on the heat? 619 00:46:36,875 --> 00:46:37,750 Oh. 620 00:46:39,458 --> 00:46:40,333 It might... 621 00:46:41,375 --> 00:46:44,000 ...help me if you were a little, little uncomfortable. 622 00:46:45,708 --> 00:46:47,000 Oh. Uh... 623 00:46:48,208 --> 00:46:50,208 I don't know why I'm nervous. Shit. 624 00:46:50,375 --> 00:46:53,291 Ah, that's good. Yes. That'll, that'll help too. 625 00:46:58,375 --> 00:47:00,708 In order for this to work, you have to do what I say. 626 00:47:01,375 --> 00:47:02,375 Can you do that? 627 00:47:03,208 --> 00:47:04,875 -Sure. -I know you're not used 628 00:47:05,041 --> 00:47:06,708 -to being in that position. -No, I can do it. 629 00:47:09,958 --> 00:47:10,875 Come here. 630 00:47:21,291 --> 00:47:22,583 Get down on your knees. 631 00:47:24,791 --> 00:47:25,708 That's it. 632 00:47:28,250 --> 00:47:29,541 -Mm. -What the fuck? 633 00:47:29,708 --> 00:47:32,541 - Fuck, man! 634 00:47:33,916 --> 00:47:35,500 -Yes. 635 00:47:38,041 --> 00:47:38,916 Now... 636 00:47:40,250 --> 00:47:41,583 ...I want you to listen to me. 637 00:47:44,458 --> 00:47:46,666 Have you ever seen another boy's penis before? 638 00:47:46,833 --> 00:47:49,875 -What? Okay. All right. 639 00:47:50,041 --> 00:47:53,583 It-- This is fucking ridiculous. I, I never did this before. 640 00:47:53,750 --> 00:47:56,125 Me neither. Can you please try? 641 00:48:02,791 --> 00:48:05,958 Oh, yeah, I like the wide eyes. 642 00:48:09,833 --> 00:48:12,208 Have you ever seen another boy's penis before? 643 00:48:14,458 --> 00:48:15,750 I'm gonna show you mine. 644 00:48:25,125 --> 00:48:26,583 Now, you can't tell anybody I did this, 645 00:48:26,750 --> 00:48:28,541 'cause we could both get in a lot of trouble. 646 00:48:32,458 --> 00:48:33,458 Kiss it. 647 00:48:37,833 --> 00:48:38,916 Open your mouth. 648 00:48:43,250 --> 00:48:46,041 Oh. You're so beautiful. 649 00:48:47,458 --> 00:48:48,875 So beautiful. 650 00:48:49,791 --> 00:48:51,000 Give me a smile. 651 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:56,291 -Yeah, good job. 652 00:48:57,083 --> 00:48:58,791 Good job. 653 00:49:05,083 --> 00:49:06,625 -Good job. 654 00:49:07,333 --> 00:49:08,708 -Oh, good job. 655 00:49:09,458 --> 00:49:11,083 - Mm. -Oh. 656 00:49:12,250 --> 00:49:13,333 Good job. 657 00:49:13,958 --> 00:49:16,083 Oh. Look what you did. 658 00:49:16,250 --> 00:49:18,625 - Mm. 659 00:49:18,791 --> 00:49:22,458 You really made me hard. Oh, God. 660 00:49:26,333 --> 00:49:27,583 Just stand up for me. 661 00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:32,666 I wanna show you how good that feels. 662 00:49:49,916 --> 00:49:51,125 I love you, Alex. 663 00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:53,125 So much. 664 00:50:01,416 --> 00:50:03,125 -Please get off. 665 00:50:05,958 --> 00:50:06,958 Stop, Mr. Grant. 666 00:50:07,791 --> 00:50:09,166 I don't, I don't wanna do this anymore. 667 00:50:12,125 --> 00:50:14,125 Please. Please stop. 668 00:50:14,291 --> 00:50:16,583 Please stop. Please, please, please. Please-- 669 00:50:23,458 --> 00:50:24,750 I couldn't help myself. 670 00:50:25,708 --> 00:50:27,041 But that's no excuse. 671 00:50:28,375 --> 00:50:33,000 You know that feeling right before you finish, when nothing else matters? 672 00:50:33,166 --> 00:50:35,416 I know you know what I'm talking about 'cause you said it yourself. 673 00:50:35,583 --> 00:50:36,916 You're a pervert too. 674 00:50:38,041 --> 00:50:39,708 But, uh, I'm sorry. 675 00:50:40,958 --> 00:50:42,250 It's fine, man. 676 00:50:44,708 --> 00:50:46,541 You think I like doing that? I don't. 677 00:50:47,500 --> 00:50:53,916 Uh, I, I hate to be so vulgar, but, ejaculating is a primal urge. 678 00:50:56,666 --> 00:50:58,541 As, as much as I wanted to stop-- 679 00:51:00,458 --> 00:51:02,916 Can you stop your fucking teacher talk? 680 00:51:03,416 --> 00:51:05,416 Oh, God. 681 00:51:06,625 --> 00:51:08,750 -Oh, I'm sorry. -I don't wanna hear shit! 682 00:51:08,916 --> 00:51:11,041 -All right? Don't say, "I'm sorry." 683 00:51:11,208 --> 00:51:13,083 Don't say, "I'm embarrassed," anything! 684 00:51:13,250 --> 00:51:15,291 -I don't wanna fucking hear it! 685 00:51:15,458 --> 00:51:18,625 You're a fucking pervert! And yeah, maybe I'm a pervert too, 686 00:51:18,791 --> 00:51:20,500 but at least I'm not fucking you! 687 00:51:21,458 --> 00:51:22,916 At least I'm not criminally horny. 688 00:51:23,833 --> 00:51:24,958 You're right. 689 00:51:28,916 --> 00:51:30,750 You think I haven't done shit like that? 690 00:51:31,500 --> 00:51:32,833 That's nothing. 691 00:51:34,875 --> 00:51:37,166 I'm not gonna fall asleep tonight thinking about that. 692 00:51:37,958 --> 00:51:40,958 I'm gonna be thinking about how my fucking English teacher came to visit me. 693 00:51:41,916 --> 00:51:44,000 It's a footnote. I won't remember it, really. 694 00:51:49,291 --> 00:51:51,583 You taught me what a footnote was. 695 00:51:53,458 --> 00:51:56,541 Just wait till you're older. You'll remember all of it. 696 00:52:09,208 --> 00:52:10,250 You said... 697 00:52:11,625 --> 00:52:14,833 ...your first sexual experience was... 698 00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:17,333 ...uncomfortable. 699 00:52:20,375 --> 00:52:21,958 Yeah, I, uh... 700 00:52:23,375 --> 00:52:24,375 You can tell me. 701 00:52:27,916 --> 00:52:28,875 It was my aunt. 702 00:52:30,541 --> 00:52:32,416 After my dad died, she moved in with us. 703 00:52:33,708 --> 00:52:34,875 That's when it first happened. 704 00:52:35,875 --> 00:52:38,708 -How old were you? -Why? You gonna jerk off to it? 705 00:52:39,708 --> 00:52:40,666 No, I'm not. 706 00:52:42,916 --> 00:52:45,583 I just thought, I don't know, maybe you'd wanna talk about it. 707 00:52:47,541 --> 00:52:48,583 I don't know. 708 00:52:50,833 --> 00:52:53,541 I'm sorry anyhow. Sorry that happened to you. 709 00:52:54,958 --> 00:52:55,916 Yeah. 710 00:53:00,208 --> 00:53:02,958 Aaron, would you sing that song 711 00:53:03,708 --> 00:53:06,291 you did for me that one time? 712 00:53:06,875 --> 00:53:08,458 -The one you sang at the talent show-- -No, I'm not doing that. 713 00:53:08,625 --> 00:53:10,708 -Come on. Please? - No, man. 714 00:53:10,875 --> 00:53:12,833 There's another thousand in it for you. 715 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:14,541 That's all I've got, really. 716 00:53:14,708 --> 00:53:16,541 Look, I don't remember the fucking song. 717 00:53:16,708 --> 00:53:18,875 I don't. I don't remember how to fucking sing. 718 00:53:19,041 --> 00:53:22,541 Singing's like riding a bike. It's muscle memory. You don't forget that. 719 00:53:22,708 --> 00:53:26,583 Look, I'm sorry, but I fucking told you, I'm not the fucking same. 720 00:53:26,750 --> 00:53:28,083 -Yes, you are. -No, I'm not. 721 00:53:32,875 --> 00:53:36,166 You were so good. 722 00:53:37,458 --> 00:53:40,375 I still can't believe Robbie Hanscom beat you. 723 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,791 He and that stupid puppet. 724 00:53:42,958 --> 00:53:46,958 -I'm a better ventriloquist than that kid. 725 00:53:47,958 --> 00:53:50,458 It's the biggest shame in Bedford Middle School history. 726 00:53:50,625 --> 00:53:51,750 Yeah, next to you. 727 00:53:53,250 --> 00:53:56,166 -What was so funny? 728 00:53:58,166 --> 00:54:00,958 In detention, it was just the two of us, and you said... 729 00:54:02,250 --> 00:54:05,958 ..."I wanna sing in the talent show, but I'm nervous." 730 00:54:07,083 --> 00:54:11,291 And you started singing, and your voice is shaky. 731 00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:15,083 And I thought, "Oh, man, nobody's gonna hear him sing. 732 00:54:15,250 --> 00:54:17,416 He-- 'Cause he won't do it. He won't be able to do it. 733 00:54:17,583 --> 00:54:19,333 They're not gonna hear his voice." 734 00:54:21,875 --> 00:54:24,375 And you were singing that wonderful song. 735 00:54:26,500 --> 00:54:29,750 And after the second verse, something happened. 736 00:54:31,750 --> 00:54:34,875 Something happened, and you found that voice. 737 00:54:40,666 --> 00:54:43,875 ...I just remember watching you and thinking, "He did it! 738 00:54:44,958 --> 00:54:46,750 How brave!" 739 00:54:49,083 --> 00:54:50,541 Almost like an angel. 740 00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:03,000 I think I promised you a pizza. Are you hungry? 741 00:55:07,291 --> 00:55:11,291 These places in LA deliver so late. 742 00:55:11,458 --> 00:55:12,333 Yeah. 743 00:55:16,250 --> 00:55:17,833 I've never been to LA before. 744 00:55:19,458 --> 00:55:21,458 It's the Mecca of perverts. You'd love it. 745 00:55:22,666 --> 00:55:25,250 I wish you'd stop calling me that. 746 00:55:25,958 --> 00:55:27,250 Why? It's the truth, right? 747 00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,125 Why can't it be something you don't put a word to? 748 00:55:31,916 --> 00:55:34,750 -Or you could say "pederast." -What the fuck is that? 749 00:55:34,916 --> 00:55:38,833 You know. Ancient Rome, where an older man 750 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,166 had a loving relationship with a boy? 751 00:55:42,958 --> 00:55:44,041 Sex and stuff? 752 00:55:44,666 --> 00:55:48,333 Well, yeah, among other, less salacious things. 753 00:55:49,791 --> 00:55:54,750 You know, ancient Roman armies were infallible and respected, 754 00:55:55,416 --> 00:55:59,000 and pederasty was often a kind of initiation 755 00:55:59,166 --> 00:56:03,208 into those, those armies. I mean, into the whole culture, as a matter of fact. 756 00:56:04,166 --> 00:56:07,541 I think it just kind of makes me feel better to think that I 757 00:56:07,708 --> 00:56:11,750 could have been a Roman warrior marching into battle with his lover... 758 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,291 ...and be celebrated. 759 00:56:19,875 --> 00:56:20,791 What? 760 00:56:21,708 --> 00:56:22,916 Come on, man. 761 00:56:23,083 --> 00:56:24,500 Oh, what, what do you mean? 762 00:56:25,583 --> 00:56:27,875 -No, never mind. -No, no, no, no. What do you mean? 763 00:56:28,750 --> 00:56:32,250 It's just... you're eating pizza with a fucking fork. 764 00:56:32,416 --> 00:56:34,291 You're not a fucking gladiator, dude. 765 00:56:35,708 --> 00:56:37,750 -No offense. -No, I get it. 766 00:56:39,166 --> 00:56:41,416 We who are about to die, salute you. 767 00:56:44,416 --> 00:56:46,583 -That's much better. 768 00:56:49,041 --> 00:56:51,833 -You know, we should do something fun, Hank. -Like what? 769 00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:53,750 I don't know, just try and lighten the mood. 770 00:56:54,458 --> 00:56:56,500 -What do you like to do for fun? -Um, nothing, really. 771 00:56:56,666 --> 00:56:58,250 Um, I don't, I don't go out much. 772 00:56:59,250 --> 00:57:01,500 Can you not be a complete dipshit for two fucking seconds? 773 00:57:04,666 --> 00:57:07,208 Well, there is something I like to do. 774 00:57:07,375 --> 00:57:09,250 Yeah? What's that? 775 00:57:10,750 --> 00:57:13,250 - All right, give me an adjective. 776 00:57:14,958 --> 00:57:15,958 "Happy." 777 00:57:16,708 --> 00:57:19,125 Okay. And now an adverb. 778 00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:21,000 Um... 779 00:57:22,291 --> 00:57:23,333 "Softly." 780 00:57:24,541 --> 00:57:25,625 Okay, now... 781 00:57:26,416 --> 00:57:28,458 -"Cock." - All right. 782 00:57:29,833 --> 00:57:31,041 Another adjective. 783 00:57:32,416 --> 00:57:34,166 -Hank. -Yeah? 784 00:57:34,333 --> 00:57:35,875 Do you ever think about, like, "why?" 785 00:57:36,708 --> 00:57:37,625 Why what? 786 00:57:39,458 --> 00:57:41,041 Why you were born the way you are? 787 00:57:42,208 --> 00:57:43,291 Gosh, I don't know. 788 00:57:44,791 --> 00:57:46,750 -When did you know? -Jeez, Aaron, uh, 789 00:57:46,916 --> 00:57:48,625 just give me another adjective. 790 00:57:50,541 --> 00:57:52,416 "Sad." 791 00:57:53,750 --> 00:57:55,708 Okay. Another adjective. 792 00:57:58,041 --> 00:57:59,125 "Disturbed." 793 00:57:59,708 --> 00:58:01,875 I see what you're doing. What are you getting at? 794 00:58:05,625 --> 00:58:08,041 There must have been a time when you, like, realized. 795 00:58:10,375 --> 00:58:14,666 I guess it was when I jerked off to the same middle school crushes, 796 00:58:14,833 --> 00:58:17,041 until now. 797 00:58:17,208 --> 00:58:18,833 I guess I still do that. 798 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:21,333 So you grew up with-- The people you're attracted to 799 00:58:21,500 --> 00:58:23,625 stayed the same age, but in your head? 800 00:58:24,541 --> 00:58:26,250 I guess that's right. Can we keep going? 801 00:58:27,708 --> 00:58:30,208 -What was that kid's name? -What kid? 802 00:58:31,083 --> 00:58:34,166 -The kid you tried to fuck. Come on, I really wanna know. 803 00:58:34,333 --> 00:58:38,041 -You went to jail, I guess. -Of course I did. Of course I went to jail. 804 00:58:38,791 --> 00:58:42,416 I got off with seven years. It wasn't statutory rape anyway. 805 00:58:45,166 --> 00:58:46,833 -What was his name? -Aaron-- 806 00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:48,541 Come on, what was that kid's fucking name? 807 00:58:50,875 --> 00:58:52,000 His name was James. 808 00:58:53,708 --> 00:58:54,916 James Scott. 809 00:58:56,083 --> 00:58:58,291 Man, his older brother was in my grade, right? 810 00:58:58,458 --> 00:59:00,291 Man, I can't fucking believe that. 811 00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:02,750 Only kid I ever knew named James, 812 00:59:02,916 --> 00:59:05,000 and that fucking kid, he was a fag in training 813 00:59:05,166 --> 00:59:06,625 since, like... age five. 814 00:59:07,208 --> 00:59:08,416 What is your problem? 815 00:59:09,250 --> 00:59:12,041 -It's just a joke, man. -It's not something to joke about. 816 00:59:12,208 --> 00:59:14,958 It's not, it's not something to laugh about. 817 00:59:16,125 --> 00:59:17,458 Damn, dude, I'm sorry. It's just a joke. 818 00:59:17,625 --> 00:59:19,166 Don't you feel sorry for him? 819 00:59:19,916 --> 00:59:21,750 Don't you feel sorry for yourself? 820 00:59:25,166 --> 00:59:29,375 James left school, and then he came back, and he was never the same. 821 00:59:30,458 --> 00:59:33,333 The school obviously didn't wanna out him as the victim, 822 00:59:33,500 --> 00:59:35,791 but the kids knew. They always find out. 823 00:59:36,916 --> 00:59:38,625 I bet he has friends who don't talk to him now. 824 00:59:38,791 --> 00:59:41,500 I, I bet they stopped talking to him then. 825 00:59:42,541 --> 00:59:45,125 I bet James felt really alone. 826 00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:49,291 He's out of high school now. 827 00:59:49,458 --> 00:59:50,708 Never went to college. 828 00:59:54,625 --> 00:59:56,666 I see him at the Shop 'N Save sometimes. 829 00:59:59,291 --> 01:00:01,750 Have respect. Please. 830 01:00:05,166 --> 01:00:08,083 People just don't become pedophiles. 831 01:00:08,250 --> 01:00:09,666 You must have always been one. 832 01:00:10,208 --> 01:00:12,666 I don't know. I don't know. 833 01:00:15,958 --> 01:00:17,000 Were you fucked as a kid? 834 01:00:17,541 --> 01:00:19,500 -Aaron. -Tell me. 835 01:00:39,083 --> 01:00:41,750 My grandfather before me had my same name. 836 01:00:41,916 --> 01:00:43,125 His name was Hank too. 837 01:00:44,500 --> 01:00:46,083 And I don't know if you ever knew this, 838 01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:48,000 but I have an older brother and sister... 839 01:00:49,541 --> 01:00:51,458 ...and their names are Jason and Shirley. 840 01:00:54,666 --> 01:00:57,208 But when it came to me, for whatever... fucking reason, 841 01:00:57,375 --> 01:01:00,458 my parents went back to basics and decided to recycle the name, 842 01:01:00,625 --> 01:01:01,833 and so I'm Hank. 843 01:01:03,750 --> 01:01:06,041 And when Grandpa Hank came over, 844 01:01:06,208 --> 01:01:10,041 my parents would take Jason and Shirley to Phillips Lake. 845 01:01:11,375 --> 01:01:14,291 But I had to stay with Grandpa Hank. 846 01:01:15,875 --> 01:01:17,500 Because I was his special grandson. 847 01:01:17,666 --> 01:01:20,250 My mother said... 848 01:01:20,416 --> 01:01:24,000 ..."You're Little Hank, and he just wants to spend time with you." So, they left. 849 01:01:28,375 --> 01:01:30,958 But not before my mother gave me a really good bath. 850 01:01:38,166 --> 01:01:41,500 I think everything that was going to happen to me was decided 851 01:01:41,666 --> 01:01:44,500 when the nurse wrote down "Hank" on the birth certificate. 852 01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:48,458 Why didn't your mom do anything? 853 01:01:50,291 --> 01:01:52,375 I wondered that for a long time. 854 01:01:54,166 --> 01:01:57,500 And then, uh, one time I talked to her about it, I said... 855 01:01:58,833 --> 01:01:59,916 ..."You knew." 856 01:02:01,708 --> 01:02:03,250 And you know what that woman said to me? 857 01:02:04,083 --> 01:02:08,541 She said, "We gave him you because it was better than all three of you." 858 01:02:11,125 --> 01:02:12,750 She's a cunt, Hank. 859 01:02:14,708 --> 01:02:15,916 It was her father. 860 01:02:17,125 --> 01:02:18,708 Imagine her childhood. 861 01:02:21,583 --> 01:02:25,125 She may have been a bad person, but she didn't know to be better. 862 01:02:28,500 --> 01:02:34,333 And, you know, my mother wasn't a pervert, she wasn't a pederast. 863 01:02:35,916 --> 01:02:38,250 She didn't fall in love with a little boy. 864 01:02:42,750 --> 01:02:44,875 Maybe you weren't born this way, then. 865 01:02:50,166 --> 01:02:51,166 Doesn't matter. 866 01:02:52,916 --> 01:02:53,833 And, Aaron, 867 01:02:54,666 --> 01:02:57,666 I think you could maybe understand 868 01:02:57,833 --> 01:02:59,458 the worthlessness I felt. 869 01:02:59,625 --> 01:03:01,458 I didn't know anything could exist outside of that 870 01:03:01,625 --> 01:03:02,750 for so long. 871 01:03:09,625 --> 01:03:12,166 I haven't had sex for a long, long time. 872 01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:18,708 And after tonight, I know I'll never have sex again. 873 01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,166 -I'm sorry. -No. 874 01:03:22,333 --> 01:03:23,625 -I'm really sorry-- -Nope. 875 01:03:25,250 --> 01:03:27,083 It is not anything to feel sorry for. 876 01:03:27,250 --> 01:03:30,916 It's a good feeling, really. It's a prideful feeling. 877 01:03:34,416 --> 01:03:36,208 And I don't understand who you are now, 878 01:03:36,375 --> 01:03:38,541 because I can't understand what you do 879 01:03:38,708 --> 01:03:40,708 in front of the camera for anything. 880 01:03:40,875 --> 01:03:45,000 You think your sex empowers you. It makes you weak. 881 01:03:45,166 --> 01:03:47,041 That's what it does for everyone. 882 01:03:47,958 --> 01:03:53,083 It's a horrible, horrible Achilles heel, to feel anything for sex. 883 01:03:54,166 --> 01:03:57,583 I am so, so tormented by the thought 884 01:03:57,750 --> 01:04:01,750 that my perversion doesn't make me closer to God. 885 01:04:01,916 --> 01:04:06,458 Maybe it doesn't make me evil, but maybe it makes me nothing. 886 01:04:08,916 --> 01:04:12,375 The thing that occupies my mind, 887 01:04:12,541 --> 01:04:16,416 my consciousness, my whole being... 888 01:04:17,708 --> 01:04:20,083 ...doesn't have any worth at all. 889 01:04:32,041 --> 01:04:33,000 I lied. 890 01:04:33,791 --> 01:04:34,666 What? 891 01:04:35,875 --> 01:04:36,750 I lied. 892 01:04:37,750 --> 01:04:39,083 What are you talking about? 893 01:04:39,250 --> 01:04:40,875 I wasn't molested or anything. 894 01:04:41,416 --> 01:04:44,166 -I don't know my aunt. -Why are you saying that? 895 01:04:45,041 --> 01:04:47,333 -Jesus, fuck, dude. -Why would you lie 896 01:04:47,500 --> 01:04:49,291 -about that? -Because I have don't have a fucking reason. 897 01:04:51,625 --> 01:04:55,708 My dad was a good person. My mom isa good person. 898 01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:01,583 I've been loved every moment of my goddamn life. 899 01:05:02,916 --> 01:05:04,958 But I, I, I know it, man. 900 01:05:06,666 --> 01:05:10,791 I was born the way I am. I, I have that, that peace. 901 01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:16,125 Like, I'm a massive fuckface, Hank, who's been left by the people I loved, 902 01:05:16,291 --> 01:05:18,416 the person that I loved. 903 01:05:18,583 --> 01:05:21,583 But in my heart, I know that that shit is not my fault, 904 01:05:21,750 --> 01:05:23,958 because if I could have helped it, I would have. 905 01:05:29,875 --> 01:05:30,791 "Diablo"? 906 01:05:32,125 --> 01:05:33,125 Yeah, "Diablo." 907 01:05:34,958 --> 01:05:36,083 Who called you that? 908 01:05:37,208 --> 01:05:39,083 Raph. Raphael. 909 01:05:40,458 --> 01:05:41,333 Who's that? 910 01:05:42,916 --> 01:05:43,916 My everything. 911 01:05:46,958 --> 01:05:49,958 -Where is he? -Mm, fuck if I know. 912 01:05:50,583 --> 01:05:53,625 Probably in a K-hole with a bunch of twinks in WeHo. 913 01:05:56,041 --> 01:05:59,333 -Do you wish you were there too? -I wish I was. 914 01:06:00,958 --> 01:06:02,333 I really wish I was. 915 01:06:05,958 --> 01:06:08,708 -How long were you together? -Three years. 916 01:06:09,375 --> 01:06:14,166 Uh, I met him my first week here at a fucking warehouse party in downtown. 917 01:06:15,583 --> 01:06:16,541 Wow. 918 01:06:18,833 --> 01:06:20,291 But he found me out. 919 01:06:21,250 --> 01:06:22,583 He really fucking did. 920 01:06:26,041 --> 01:06:29,666 He discovered what I was afraid I always was. 921 01:06:30,583 --> 01:06:32,458 Just loving him... 922 01:06:34,041 --> 01:06:37,250 ...the only way I knew how, just taught me that to my core, 923 01:06:37,416 --> 01:06:42,875 I am a lazy, fucking, selfish, rotted person 924 01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:44,541 that just never cares enough. 925 01:06:45,666 --> 01:06:47,250 When we broke up, he said... 926 01:06:49,750 --> 01:06:52,541 he said those were the best and the worst 927 01:06:52,708 --> 01:06:54,500 three years of his life. 928 01:07:03,458 --> 01:07:06,000 But you miss him, don't you? 929 01:07:12,208 --> 01:07:15,375 My sex means something to me. 930 01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:18,791 It's not worthless. It's how I am. 931 01:07:18,958 --> 01:07:21,541 You know, I can show my faggots who I am, 932 01:07:21,708 --> 01:07:23,333 and they fucking love me. 933 01:07:24,416 --> 01:07:27,166 But you're lonely, Aaron. 934 01:07:27,333 --> 01:07:29,791 Yes, you're-- Don't pretend you're not. 935 01:07:33,208 --> 01:07:34,625 You are lonely. 936 01:07:41,541 --> 01:07:45,250 Just thinking and talking about Raph is my favorite thing in the world. 937 01:07:45,416 --> 01:07:48,875 Just watching a movie with him. 938 01:07:50,875 --> 01:07:52,458 That's the thing I loved the most... 939 01:07:55,458 --> 01:07:56,458 ...was having... 940 01:08:06,250 --> 01:08:07,083 Aaron... 941 01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,416 ...I wanna give you something. 942 01:08:10,291 --> 01:08:11,208 Really. 943 01:08:12,375 --> 01:08:13,666 Will you come with me? 944 01:09:14,083 --> 01:09:16,250 I could always feel his breath. 945 01:09:56,375 --> 01:09:57,833 He would go down on me. 946 01:10:26,375 --> 01:10:27,666 He would go slower. 947 01:10:45,916 --> 01:10:46,875 Yeah. 948 01:10:47,666 --> 01:10:49,708 He would always go down on me from behind. 949 01:11:15,291 --> 01:11:18,416 Thank you. Thank you. 950 01:11:20,666 --> 01:11:22,000 Of course, Aaron. 951 01:11:23,750 --> 01:11:27,083 Call me Alex, please. 952 01:11:27,250 --> 01:11:28,416 Yeah. 953 01:11:33,916 --> 01:11:35,958 Put it in me, Raph. Please. 954 01:11:39,333 --> 01:11:41,750 Please. Please, please, please. 955 01:11:42,291 --> 01:11:44,416 Please put it in me. Please. 956 01:11:45,291 --> 01:11:46,041 Please. 957 01:11:49,166 --> 01:11:51,166 - Okay. 958 01:11:51,333 --> 01:11:53,583 Give me a minute. Give me a minute. 959 01:11:54,916 --> 01:11:57,166 Please, please put it in. 960 01:11:57,875 --> 01:12:00,666 - Oh, God, I'm trying. I'm trying. - Please. 961 01:12:03,250 --> 01:12:04,125 Sorry. 962 01:12:04,916 --> 01:12:05,875 I can't. 963 01:12:14,500 --> 01:12:17,375 I'm sorry... Alex. 964 01:12:26,250 --> 01:12:27,166 Alex. 965 01:12:29,416 --> 01:12:30,791 Aaron. 966 01:12:40,291 --> 01:12:41,250 I'm sorry. 967 01:12:42,541 --> 01:12:43,458 Me too. 968 01:12:44,625 --> 01:12:47,208 I don't know what I was expecting. 969 01:12:59,583 --> 01:13:00,666 Is this okay? 970 01:13:01,833 --> 01:13:03,833 -Yeah. 971 01:14:20,250 --> 01:14:21,666 You look so innocent. 972 01:14:26,333 --> 01:14:27,583 I know you're not. 973 01:14:30,833 --> 01:14:32,291 But you really look it. 974 01:14:34,583 --> 01:14:35,708 You really do. 975 01:14:55,833 --> 01:14:57,791 He got away from me. 976 01:15:00,750 --> 01:15:02,708 -What? -James. 977 01:15:04,875 --> 01:15:06,750 I was gonna do it. 978 01:15:08,708 --> 01:15:11,083 But he got away from me. 979 01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:15,375 You didn't let him go? 980 01:16:07,208 --> 01:16:09,416 I made some coffee. Do you want some? 981 01:16:10,708 --> 01:16:13,583 -There's no sugar-- -I don't like coffee, but thanks. 982 01:16:21,541 --> 01:16:24,625 -Why, why are you smiling? 983 01:16:24,791 --> 01:16:28,291 -I have a hangover. 984 01:16:30,916 --> 01:16:32,458 I haven't had one in years. 985 01:16:36,125 --> 01:16:39,583 Uh, I gotta get going in a few minutes. 986 01:16:40,375 --> 01:16:43,500 -You're not staying? -No, no, I can't. 987 01:16:43,666 --> 01:16:46,375 I only got permission to be here for a couple of days. 988 01:16:47,166 --> 01:16:48,541 Gotta return the car. 989 01:16:49,916 --> 01:16:50,958 Yeah. 990 01:16:55,833 --> 01:16:58,125 Was this a bad idea, Aaron? 991 01:17:05,625 --> 01:17:06,750 Do you still love me? 992 01:17:17,666 --> 01:17:20,208 Why the camera? The videos, all that shit? 993 01:17:22,375 --> 01:17:27,333 My priest said something to me once that I didn't forget, and I instantly thought of you. 994 01:17:29,166 --> 01:17:33,833 He said, "When you leave, all you take is your memories." 995 01:17:34,000 --> 01:17:35,000 And I thought... 996 01:17:37,083 --> 01:17:40,875 ..."I wanna take mine of you with me." 997 01:17:44,041 --> 01:17:47,208 I think I have everything I managed to pack. 998 01:17:47,375 --> 01:17:50,500 I wanna get back for Sunday service. I can't miss that. 999 01:17:50,666 --> 01:17:53,083 -Going back to Bedford? -Ha-ha. 1000 01:17:54,250 --> 01:17:55,541 Where else would I go? 1001 01:17:56,791 --> 01:17:57,916 What are you gonna do there? 1002 01:17:59,208 --> 01:18:00,166 I'm not sure. 1003 01:18:01,125 --> 01:18:03,250 Probably just keep working at the Shop 'N Save. 1004 01:18:05,500 --> 01:18:06,458 Do you need help packing? 1005 01:18:07,041 --> 01:18:09,583 No, no, I just finished inside. 1006 01:18:11,041 --> 01:18:12,416 I guess you should get going, then. 1007 01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:15,875 Yeah. I guess I should. 1008 01:18:17,041 --> 01:18:19,500 Before I forget, I have one more thing I wanna give you. 1009 01:18:19,666 --> 01:18:22,875 -Is it more money? - No, no, it's not more money. 1010 01:18:25,333 --> 01:18:26,541 It's just a little thing. 1011 01:18:43,708 --> 01:18:46,333 -Where did you get this? -You gave it to me. 1012 01:18:52,916 --> 01:18:54,041 Wait, what's the other one? 1013 01:18:55,375 --> 01:18:56,375 Just me. 1014 01:19:09,750 --> 01:19:13,083 I left the envelope in the bedroom with the full amount. 1015 01:19:14,416 --> 01:19:17,208 I have the place till 7:00, so you can hang out a while, 1016 01:19:17,375 --> 01:19:19,333 if you want to, do whatever it is you wanna do. 1017 01:23:08,708 --> 01:23:13,416 ♪ When love is young ♪ 1018 01:23:13,583 --> 01:23:17,250 ♪ As fresh as dew ♪ 1019 01:23:36,083 --> 01:23:40,000 ♪ When love is young ♪ 1020 01:23:40,583 --> 01:23:44,041 ♪ As fresh as dew ♪ 1021 01:23:45,166 --> 01:23:48,458 ♪ A song is sung ♪ 1022 01:23:49,416 --> 01:23:52,958 ♪ So warm and new ♪ 1023 01:23:54,333 --> 01:23:57,916 ♪ It winds its way ♪ 1024 01:23:58,958 --> 01:24:03,041 ♪ Bursts into blue ♪ 1025 01:24:04,375 --> 01:24:07,958 ♪ An April day ♪ 1026 01:24:08,916 --> 01:24:13,125 ♪ Turned into June ♪ 1027 01:24:15,000 --> 01:24:17,625 ♪ Plays on my mind ♪